Monday, March 17, 2014

Why is it So Hard to Move On?

You see some people go through breakups who seem completely unflappable. They never seem to lose their motivation or sense of self the way you have. You can't figure out why you're having such as hard time while other men just move on to the next girl and act as though their worlds haven't stopped turning altogether.

The truth is that for some men, the world hasn't stopped turning. They are able to move on because they never were fully invested in the relationship to begin with. But you can't seem to let go and move on. Is there a reason you're not able to put the past behind you and start to look towards the future again? The truth is there might be three.

1) Your Heart isn't In It?

Your head may be ready to move forward, get out there, and start playing the field, but your heart still belongs to the girl that got away. Your heart has you convinced that there's still a chance, no matter how remote, and you want to try to make it work. You're still hoping to get her back even if your head is telling you it can't happen.

2) You Like What You Had

You're not ready to give up on it. It was good between the two of you once upon a time. You believe, if you could just get her to see things your way, that it could be that good for the two of you again. It makes perfect sense to want to recapture something good that's gotten away from you. It might even be possible. The place where you're fuzzy is on how to make it happen.

3) You Don't Think it's Really Over

You believe that she still have feelings for you. They may be buried deep down inside, but you believe she still loves you. Chances are good that you're right. Unfortunately for you, seeing the cold shoulder you've been getting lately, it seems like those feelings were buried very deep. The longer things go, though, the more time she has to deal with those feelings and put them to rest. That's good news for you because if you play your cards right and give her the space she needs, there's a good chance she'll rediscover that love for you.

The thing to remember is that sometimes, it only takes going through the motions of moving on to realize how you really feel. Or, perhaps more importantly, to force her to confront how she really feels. While it's never good, to play head games with the girl you love, sometimes it helps to let things ride a little while and see where circumstance take you.

If you are currently going through a break up know that you're not alone and that I'm very sorry to hear about your plight. But, try not to be overwhelmed with grief as there is still a great chance that you can reconcile your differences with your ex. Things may look bleak now and you probably feel awful and unsure of where to go from here. If you're determined to get your ex back and you genuinely care for them know that it really is possible. Many couples who break up end up getting back together and the truth is that most break ups don't have to be permanent.

Tuesday, March 11, 2014

The Lost Art of Flirting - How to Drive Him Wild With or Without Words

When you first started dating, flirting came easily. Almost every tilt of your head, bat of your eyelashes, and word you said was some form of flirtation. Whether your intention was sheer playfulness or some form of subtle seduction, flirting was the language of the day - and what an effective language it was!

Over time, you left your flirting ways behind. Whether it was the fact that you felt confident in your "catch" or you simply thought you'd moved beyond the playful beginnings into a more serious and "adult" relationship.

I saw "Hogwash!"

You don't have to give up playfulness and fun simply because you're now married. You may have caught the prize you sought but that doesn't mean you don't need to work a little bit to keep his interest and attention. Subtle and not-so-subtle flirting reminds your husband that you are still interested, makes him feel desired by you, and reminds you just how much fun being in a relationship can be. The more marriage feels like fun, the less it will feel like work.

It may have been a while since you've flirted with your husband. Here are a few reminders about old tricks, and perhaps a few new tricks, that will drive him wild.

* Leave naughty little notes in his lunch box. It will perk up his day and let him know that you're thinking of him.
* Send sexy text messages to him while he's at work. There's nothing that will have him raring to go when he gets home faster than little teasers throughout the day of what's to come when he gets home.
* Dress to impress on your next date night. You know what he likes. Give it to him. It costs you nothing and lets him know you still think he's worth impressing.
* Play footsie with him! Sounds a little silly but it can really get his engine going.
* Smack his bottom. It worked for Austin Powers! More importantly, it tells him you're still noticing.
* Touch him. Even non-sexual touching is a huge turn on for guys. Remember when you first started dating? You went for any excuse just to touch him. Whether it was touching his arm, laying your head on his shoulders, or just holding hands you couldn't get enough of touching him. Over time, things cooled down and touch became perfunctory. Make it fun and flirty all over again.
* Tell him what you want - what you really, really want in a place where he'll have to wait to get it. It will be on his mind the entire time and the anticipation will light real fireworks when you're finally able to make good on that whispered promise.

Flirting might be a lost art, but you can bring it back into your marriage. If you're going through a bit of a dry spell, this may very well be the cure. At the very least, it will return an old dynamic to your relationship that may yield surprising results.

If you are currently going through a break up know that you're not alone and that I'm very sorry to hear about your plight. But, try not to be overwhelmed with grief as there is still a great chance that you can reconcile your differences with your ex. Things may look bleak now and you probably feel awful and unsure of where to go from here. If you're determined to get your ex back and you genuinely care for them know that it really is possible. Many couples who break up end up getting back together and the truth is that most break ups don't have to be permanent.

Friday, March 7, 2014

Silly Mistakes Derailing Your Efforts to Get Your Ex Back

How long have you been working to get your ex back without seeing any real results? Many people in your shoes are surprised to learn that it isn't what you aren't doing that's holding you back. It's the things you are doing, that are working against you. Here are a few common roadblocks that could be derailing your trip back to relationship bliss.

You are Proud to be there for Your Ex

It's a noble idea. Really it is. However, if you're there for a friendly ear, a comforting shoulder, or a fast perk-me-up whenever your ex needs it from you, your ex isn't really missing out on the benefits of being in a relationship with you. It's getting all the fringe benefits of a loving relationship without putting in the work to keep things going. Instead, you're going to have to let your ex deal with the stings life delivers sometimes without the solace of your comforting presence.

You Keep Trying

I know this one goes against everything your heart (and to some degree your head) is screaming at your right now. However, in times of crisis, reason isn't even in charge of your head either. Reason rarely rules the heart. Why should a time of emotional distress be any different? One person can't do it all in the relationship.

Pat Benatar had it right when she sang, "Love is a Battlefield." Love is war and the winners, in love, have a plan. The tactical advantage goes to the one who retreats, assesses the situation impartially, and plans a strategic assault with victory in mind. You had better believe love is war. And you need to take a little time to assess your current position, the hostility of the terrain, and the best path to victory before you go in with guns (or in this case Cupid's arrows) blazing.

You Attack from a Position of Weakness

Fans of NCIS know that team leader Gibbs is always telling his team not to apologize. According to Gibbs, apologizing is a sign of weakness. While that's a philosophical debate for the most part, when you're trying to save your relationship or get your ex back, it is often viewed, the leaving party, as a sign of weakness. You don't want to make your move from an inferior position. Instead, lead with your strengths.

Show your power. Establish your dominance. Come in swinging from a position of strength and don't ever let your ex see you sweat. There's nothing sexier, to members of the opposite sex, than confidence. Be confident in yourself, your contribution to the relationship, and the fact that it's just not time for this relationship to end.

Above all else, don't make a move until you know what you're going to do next. Have a contingency plan in place for a favorable outcome as well as a less-than-favorable outcome so that you don't come across as desperate if you don't win this round. Your mind needs to remain focused on the long-term prize of getting your ex back and every plan needs to ultimately lead you down that happy road.

If you've found your way here then probably either you or someone you know is going through a tough break up. I know things look bad now but the last word hasn't been spoken yet. Even if you think your break up is final if you're determined to get back together then you really can do it. Many relationships that go through a break up end up getting back together. It may sound hard to believe but just because you've broken up doesn't mean that your relationship is over for good.

Wednesday, March 5, 2014

Stop Listening to Your Girlfriends – Here’s What You Need to do to Get Him Back

You love ‘em dearly. You know your girlfriends have your back. But, when it comes to tactics to get your ex back, they just may be steering you in the wrong direction. They could, well meaning as they may be, even be hurting your chances of success.

Getting dumped by the boy you still love is one of the most difficult things a girl can go through. When it’s all said and done, you have one though on your mind – getting him back.

Your girlfriends have been there to hear you out. They’ve given you shoulders to cry on. They’ve even shared their super secret chocolate stashes with you to help you get through this crisis in your life.

Now, they’re offering you the best advice they have to give on how to get him back. Unfortunately, their advice is based on the rules girls play by and they aren’t going to be all that effective at getting him back. If you really want to win him back, you’re going to have to play the game by his rules – to some degree.

Playing a Girl’s Game with the Boy’s Rule Book

1)    Never let him see you coming. Your number one priority right now is to get him back. That means you have to dedicate yourself to the task. But, you have to do it in a way that doesn’t look like you’re trying to get him back. Don’t show your hands because he’ll constantly be watching and waiting for you to make your move.

2)    Show the world you’ve moved on. This includes your girlfriends. Smile. Go out and join the crowd. Fake it until you have everyone convinced that you truly have moved on.

3)    Let him know you’ve got game. All the time that you’re trying to show everyone you’ve moved on, you need to invest in making yourself over from the inside out. Become the stronger, more independent woman you’ve always wanted to be. Get a makeover. Change your hair style. Learn to walk in those six-inch heels guys love so much. Become confident in your own skin. Once you’ve accomplished all this – then you let him see you coming and watch the fireworks as he takes in the new you.

Why is this so Effective?

In relationships, you often begin to take each other for granted. The more you learn about each other, the fewer mysteries there are to uncover. You’re presenting him with a whole new you and many more mysteries to unlock. It’s a curious mystery he’s powerless to resist – especially if there ever were genuine feelings on his part. And your girlfriends? They love you regardless of whether you take their advice or not.

Can you think of any couples that have gotten back together? Whether it was just a relationship or even a marriage they were willing to take each other back? You probably do, but here’s the really weird thing: Do you remember why they broke up in the first place? I bet you know at least one guy or gal that took their lover back after an affair, or unfaithfulness, or worse even? Did you know that most relationships CAN be salvaged? You may find it difficult to believe that almost every break up for whatever reason, infidelity, plain old lost passion, loss of interest, a stolen heart and worse…even the most desperate situation is not beyond hope.